Never Help a Postman

Royal Mail employs this country’s stupidest people. A large percentage of these people are murderers and rapists. The entire country knows this, but we let it slide on the understanding that they are at least trying to contribute to society by performing a job that is important, if mindlessly easy. This is no longer the case.

The CWU (Communication Workers Union) have made the decision to go on strike, and I believe their lives should not be allowed to continue unaffected. Whenever they go to a bar, they’ll still get served; when they go to the checkout at a supermarket, someone will scan all their shopping; when they’re at a restaurant, a waitress will take their order. Why? None of those people got their post that morning, why should the lazy rapist who didn’t bother delivering it receive any kind of service from any of them?

Nobody at a pub should serve a postman, nobody in a Supermarket should sell food to a postman, waitresses should ignore postmen. Postmen should not receive any sort of service or assistance from anyone until they get their fat prospectless arses back to their menial jobs. They shouldn’t receive any help from anyone else until that happens, as far as I’m concerned if they want to eat, they should have to go and hunt with spears. Spears that they made themselves, the workshy simpletons.

They’re so fucking childish, going on strike is just the grown up equivalent of a sulk. I don’t understand why striking is still tolerated. The FBU (Fire Brigades Union) did the same thing in 2002. They got in a big childish strop because they didn’t think they got paid enough, when frankly they were the most overpaid people in the country anyway. Essentially, a floppy faced moron named Andy Gilchrist who was the FBU leader convinced them all that if they just refused to work, the government would have no choice but to pay them more money. This was no doubt because he believed the UK had fallen under the same pro-fireman spell that gripped America in the wake of September 11. He was wrong as shit.

The English are a more cynical breed than the Americans, and just because a few fireman blasted hero jism all over New York that day, we didn’t automatically assume that every fireman in the world was a hairy balled superhero. The whole stunt backfired spectacularly. They asked for 30k a year, which nobody was going to get onboard with, and I’ll tell you for why. People don’t feel comfortable saying it, but deep down, everybody knows that a fireman doesn’t really do anything during a working day other than watch pornography and eat crisps. Nothing ever catches fire, and even if it does, they just turn up, point a hose at it, and hope for the best. A fireman does 6 days work a month at the most. Fireman are the people who were too shit for the army, and their days consist of exchanging date rape stories and staring at each others cocks.

The English didn’t care that it was apparently a dangerous job, because we knew that was a false perception. In reality being a bin man was more dangerous, as was being a fisherman, a scaffolder or a farmer. Those people weren’t going on strike or asking for money, so nobody was interested in giving in to a bunch of overweight mal-educated perverts. Especially considering there were around 30 viable applications for every 1 position in the firebrigade. Every Fireman could be replaced with someone no less stupid than they were within minutes if necessary.

But postal workers, clown stupid as they are, didn’t learn anything from this debacle, and they are trying the strike thing themselves. But here’s the thing: the job of anyone who works for Royal Mail is at best marginally more challenging than that game you give small babies where they have to put the star shaped block in the star shaped hole, and at worst slightly less challenging than blinking. Nobody in their right mind would think this was a skill worth rewarding, which only confirms how stupid the CWU are for thinking they have any right to more money at all.

I got a pay rise recently, I got one when I was promoted. I was promoted because I worked my arse off, contributed to my company, and had skills and abilities that were worth something to someone. I didn’t get a pay rise because I just threatened not to come into work the next day if I didn’t. If these degenerates want more money, maybe they should consider gaining a skill that couldn’t be performed by a moderately trained chimp. If we respond to this childish act of whining, they will never learn. They should all be drowned, or just not be served at restaurants, whichever is easiest I suppose.