The Miracle of Fusion

Gillette have been upping the ante lately with a series of bold adverts claiming some pretty impressive stuff. First, there was the “The Miracle of Fusion” advert, that’s what they described it as, the “Miracle” of Fusion. This is a step on from the Mach 3 Power Turbo Extreme Nitro, which was NOT just a razor that vibrated a bit.

I was pretty excited, I mean “Miracle” is a big word. It is of course a Latin derivative, coming from the word “miraculum”, which means “something wonderful”. The Vatican has recognised a number of events as miracles over the course of it’s history. A Frenchman named Jean-Pierre Bely once made an amazing recovery from multiple sclerosis (he didn’t just have one sclerosis, he had loads of them). This was recognised as a miracle. Also in France, a nun was suddenly found to be cured of Parkinsons. This was also recognised as a miracle.

As far as I’m aware however, they have never recognised the event of Gillette sticking one razor blade on the back of another as a miracle. I don’t mind them being impressed with themselves, but I do mind them misusing Latin derivatives to sell me a razor that is no less shit than the one they sold me before.

Even abusing Latin wasn’t good enough for them though, they had to take it up a notch and steal military technology for the upgrade. They now have the Fusion Stealth Power, and I’ve got to say, I’m impressed. This razor is the greatest thing ever made. The advert shows you a man shaving, and then what? Where did it go? It’s gone! The razor DISAPPEARS. It’s gone, because that’s what it feels like to shave with this thing, it’s so smooth, you don’t even know you’re shaving! Hell, you wouldn’t even know if someone else was shaving you. In fact, I’m shaving you right now, and you don’t even know it. Feel your face, smoother right? That’s because I just shaved you, I shaved you with the Fusion Stealth Power, and you didn’t have a clue.