The Best Time to Kill a Hooker

Unless you live in a cave, you will be aware that some complete bag of crazy is going around Ipswich choking the shit out of hookers. How original.

Police psychologists put together a profile of who they think the killer will be. After what was I’m sure literally seconds of work, they came out with this devastating display of genius – “A local man with a history of violence”. Well thanks for that, that’s narrowed it down plenty. Up until this point everyone had been looking for a pacifist from Sweden. Dicks.

Everyone is focusing on the fear and the evil and all that shit, and the papers are loving getting the opportunity to use the word “ripper” again, despite it not making any sense. But here’s what I think. I think he’s a pussy. I could kill a load of hookers mate, you’re not impressing anybody. You pick them up in the street, they expect you to take them somewhere secluded, and nobody gives a fuck about them. Step it up, kill some real girls, get some street raping going, this is just woe.

What he has done though, is given anyone else who wants to the chance to kill a hooker guilt free. Just drive to Ipswich, choke a whore, then come back home. Everyone will just assume it was him, and you can ease your conscience with the knowledge that he probably would have got her anyway. I’m not really into whore choking myself, but I can see the appeal.

I’m bored of the whole thing, choking is shit too, he should chop them up or something, or, he could just pick a more original target and not be such a cunt. Why not midgets. That would be tougher.