Maybe we’re expecting too much

If you listen to the Radio at the moment, no matter where you are in the world, within a few minutes you’ll hear about Israel mercilessly pummelling Lebanon in a bid to destroy Hezbollah. The words “outrage”, “atrocity” and “crises” come up regularly. What interests me is that the words “predictable”, “obvious” and “it was stupid place to put them in the fucking first place” don’t seem to come up at all.

The current pathetic state of the world is nothing to do with today’s leaders, they aren’t the people to blame. The entire middle east crises was caused on May 14, 1943. The creation of the State of Israel was possibly the dumbest decision in the history of time. Playing Risk against the UN would be a peice of piss.

I just don’t get it, and if this is what the people charged with upholding our security are capable of, I hope I never have to enter the witness relocation program. They’d probably set me up with the new fake name of “Witness Number 1″ and get me a job in an Italian restaurant run by someone called Soprano.

This is how I imagine the UN Meeting in which they painted this masterpiece of stupidity probably went…

UN Member 1: So it’s agreed, we’re going to create a Jewish state. Where shall we put it?

UN Member 2: Err, why not right in the middle of a load of Muslims who fucking hate them anyway

UN Member 1 : Great, good start. Does anyone else have any input?

UN Member 3 : Errr, I suppose we could displace a load of Palestinians at the same time, I mean they’ve been persecuted as much as the Jewish people throughout history, so they definitely wont mind, and it’s probably not the sort of thing that would stir up racial and religious hatred.

UN Member 1 : OK, fantastic, I think we’ve cracked it. Who wants lunch?

UN Member 4 : Hang on…..something seems a bit wrong with this, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there jus…..

Entire UN : Shut up you idiot. IT’S PERFECT!!!

Now before I take a pasting for being anti-semitic, let me just say I don’t give a fuck about the Jews, I think all religion is utterly stupid and I don’t hate the Jews any more than I hate any other group of people idiotic enough to let a belief in a higher power control their dietary requirements. I’m not anti-Jew, I’m just anti-stupid, and the State of Israel is stupid in its purist form. If a scientist had been trying to discover the perfect representation of stupid, he’d have been a happy man the day the State of Israel was founded.

The entire middle east is fucked because of it, and let’s be honest, if you’re a Palestinian you’ve got a pretty good argument. I mean from what I can work out, if the two countries were to have an honest conversation about the situation, it would probably go something like this…

Israel : Well…it’s kind of your land I suppose, but when we moved here it was a bit shitty, and we’ve made it nice, and that makes it ours
Palestine : Fuck off you pricks, if you broke into someones house and decorated it, would that make the house yours?
Israel : Well No, but it’s still ours, despite our argument not really being logical. Can you stop blowing yourselves up around us anyway though?

You have to see the Muslim point of view, they weren’t exactly the biggest Jew fans to begin with, then they came and took a load of land that the Palestinians considered theirs, and a huge number of Muslims are left feeling like the world is just fucking them over. At some point the western world has to acknowledge that if such a huge number of one group of people are pissed off with them, there’s a good chance they might be doing something wrong, and the State of Israel is a shining beacon of that. That’s why Hezbollah chuck rockets in the direction of Israel and take soldiers hostage whenever they get the chance, because Israel is the geographical representation of the UN being a bunch of insensitive morons.

When it comes down to it though, we’re just expecting too much from ourselves. Throughout history we’ve had wars over the stupidest things, and it’s never going to stop. The problem is we always seem surprised by it, and we shouldn’t be. We’re animals, we’ve domesticated ourselves to a certain level, but we’re still animals, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of that. A man called Robert Ardrey has said this before, and he said it better than I ever could…

“But we were born of risen apes, not fallen angels, and the apes were armed killers besides. And so what shall we wonder at? Our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irreconcilable regiments? Or our treaties whatever they may be worth; our symphonies however seldom they may be played; our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields; our dreams however rarely they may be accomplished. The miracle of man is not how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. We are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses”

I would have put it something like “we’re all shit most of the time, sometimes we’re not”, but his way was good too.