You like God, I like Cheese

When walking through the town centre last weekend, above the drone that the horrible street people create, I could hear a different kind of idiot making a noise…

“The Bible says something about sex, the bible says something about something else, the bible says bablahblah, the bible says…”

I’m sure it does.

But did it also tell you to stand about in the street yelling like a cunt about it?

Don’t answer that, you know why you shouldn’t answer that? Because it doesn’t matter either way. If the Bible DID tell you to stand about in the street yelling about it, then the Bible is obviously full of stupid ideas and we shouldn’t be paying attention to it. If the Bible DIDN’T tell you to stand about in the street yelling about it, then why the fuck are you doing it.

Either way, shut the fuck up and let me get on with my shopping in peace. If you like God that’s your business, but don’t force other people to listen to it when they’re walking down the road trying to buy a pair of fucking jeans you interfering bag of shit.

I have now decided to fight illogical shouting fire with illogical shouting fire. From now on when this happens I’m going to stand opposite them and yell about cheese…

“My favourite cheese is Emmental, when buying a chedder I pick Cathedral City as it’s great and it comes in a re-sealable bag, I don’t like soft cheeses generally, but I can make an exception in certain cases. I think the introduction of cheese strings was a terrible decision, I enjoy peeling the wax off baby bells, but feel a bit childish when I eat them, I find the combination of cheese and crackers a little bizarre, and certainly don’t see how it goes with wine, I like it when…”

You might think I’m being facetious, but honestly doing that is just as arbitrary as shouting at people telling them you like God. Each to their own, but keep it the fuck away from me.