Thank God For Bono

Isn’t Bono the greatest human being ever? He edited the Independent today, and stuffed it full of opinion. It’s called the Independent. He stuffed it full of opinion. I hated the entire experience, and all I did was look at it.

The front page just said “No News Today” and at the bottom it said that 150 billion African’s die every second from a treatable disease, and that if we’d only listen to Bono, this wouldn’t be happening. This is all part of his Product Red campaign which is designed to let people buy the stuff they want, and give money to charity at the same time.

I don’t hate this campaign by the way, I admire the ingenuity of finding a way to use the fact that people are greedy image crazed whores in order to get their money. I will hate the people that buy the products though “Look at me, I’m amazing, my phone is red because I care about Africa” Just donate the money you clown, the fact you need to have proof you donated is vulgar. Why not just carry around a big sign saying “I care about Africa” instead of the red phone, that way everyone will definately know.

Bono is a pop star, but more than that, he is a man in his forties who wears coloured wrap around sunglasses everywhere he goes. This is a man who should not be listened to, the best thing he could do is disassociate himself from the whole campaign. When sat in the hotel lobby this morning I heard no fewer than fifteen thousand people say this exact sentence “I was going to give a load of money to the Product Red campaign until I realised that mad bastard Bono was involved. Have you seen those shitting glasses!?”

Awareness is the catchphrase, he’s using his image to “raise awareness of the problems in Africa”. He’s not a media loving parasite, he’s using his “high profile to raise awareness”.

I’m sorry, perhaps I’ve been ultra-aware, but raise your hands if you weren’t aware of how fucked up Africa was before Bono stuck his ugly face into your life. Is there anyone that saw the Independent this morning and said “FUCK ME! Africa’s in Trouble!?! Who knew? I thought it was going really well over there. It’s a good thing Bono is here to raise my awareness, I’ll tell you that much”

We’re all aware, everyone knows what’s going on, we don’t need a pop star to educate us. You’re not using your image to raise awareness of the problems in Africa, you’re using our awareness of the problems in Africa to raise your image.

Awareness isn’t the issue, I think we want to believe it is because it makes us all feel better about the fact we’re not doing anything, but ultimately it’s apathy that is stopping us becoming more involved in the solution. We all know what is happening in Africa, and yet we don’t act.

We want to believe we’re good people but we’re not, I give money to homeless people and it buys me a feeling of being an alright guy, but ultimately I’m only giving them money I can afford to give. I have never given an amount of money that would genuinely affect my life. I have a tooth brush that cost me £100, yeah it’s fucking great and it feels like I’m cleaning my teeth with a jet fighter, but if I was really a good person I would have a normal manual toothbrush and few more Africans would have AIDS meds.

Bono is the wrong person to lecture us on this issue, because he’s stupendously wealthy and could be giving more himself. It’s hard for a man who supports his family on 20k a year to listen to a guy with a private jet tell him to be more generous. Bill Gates donates more money to AIDS relief in Africa than any single COUNTRY, and you don’t see him prancing about on TV telling everyone what a hero he is, he just gets on with it. He doesn’t talk about it because I’m sure he realises he is still no better than us, he is still just giving an amount he can afford, and he doesn’t feel like he is a hero.

We need to move on from the “Awareness” campaigns, we’re all aware now, let’s try something different. I vote war, I think we could all get on board with a good old fashioned war couldn’t we? I know I know, war what is it good for and all that shit, but in all seriousness the problems in Africa are caused by the corrupt leaders of it’s countries, and as long as they are in power Charity alone will solve nothing. Africa needs more than Charity, it needs Revolution, and I’m pretty sure a pop star in wrap around glasses isn’t the man to start it.

The Global Fund - In case you feel like donating money and don’t require something red to show everyone how great you are.
Oral B Sonic Complete - Or you can buy that toothbrush