He’ll be Dead Soon

When Jimmy went travelling, I openly took bets on when people thought he would die. My belief was that he’d die a couple of weeks after getting to South America. Emails like this should illustrate why I think he’s not going to make it home…

So I was in the shower yesterday, trimming my pubes with some big sharp scissors when I accidently nicked my scrotum. I rubbed the offending area to try and relieve the pain when I suddenly got a really sharp pain all through my tackle, it felt as though someone had soaked my nads in petrol and then set fire to them. I fell out of the shower and rolled around on the floor waiting for the pain to go and as I lay there, writhing in pain, I remembered that I’d been unloading Ammonium Nitrate all day and I must have still had some on my hands when I rubbed my cut. Ammonium Nitrate is a powerful irritant and had actually burned my fingerprints off earlier that day so you can imagine what it felt like going into the skin of my testicles.

On a lighter note, I slept with a prostitute the other night.