Debt Problems?

Are you a home owner? Do you have debt problems? Are you so common it sounds like you have a speech impediment? If so, then scumbag finance might be able to help you.

Simply call our helpline, and our fully qualified staff will be happy to assist you. We won’t ask you any complicated questions, or use big complicated words, because we know you’re too fucking stupid to understand them anyway, and we’ll even fill the forms in for you, because we know your pen-in-fist scrawl would barely be legible if we were to let you blunder your way through doing it yourself.

Use a Scumbag Finance homeowner loan to consolidate all your existing credit cards, store cards and unsecured loans, leaving you with just one convenient, manageable monthly repayment, and even cash to spare. That’s right, not only will you have just one monthly payment, you can even borrow more money than you originally owed, after all what better way to get yourself out of debt than to borrow more money? Once you’ve done this, you’ll be free to quickly build up debt on your original credit cards all over again, something your proven track record of irresponsible spending clearly indicates you will do.

Pretty soon you will have twice the amount of debt you had in the first place, but you didn’t see it coming, because you’re too fucking dumb. Not only that, whilst the loan you took out with us was a lower monthly payment, the period that it is payable for is twice as long, and now that you’ve built up your original debt again anyway, you can’t afford to pay it. But don’t worry, it’s a homeowner loan, so you used your house to secure it. You probably didn’t realise that, because we didn’t want to baffle you with complicated words like “Default” or “Repossession ” when we filled in the application forms for you. So the good news is that because you used your home to secure the loan, there’s no need for you to make the payment, we can just take your house!

After getting a Scumbag homeowner loan, you will still be in as much debt as before, but at least you wont have that expensive home dragging you down and wasting your valuable disposable income, and we’ll be much richer. It’s a win win situation.