Fuck you, and Fuck your Planet

When I’m not clubbing seals and murdering children, I drive a car that creates evil carbon dioxide. These three hobbies of mine are all equally evil.

Except they’re not, and this is why. Global Warming is a fictional problem that has absolutely no scientific evidence to back it up. It’s a fairly simple situation really, newspapers need drama to make money, and hippies need to whine about “the man” to validate their trivial existence. Neither group of people are even vaguely concerned, let alone able to understand, the facts behind this idiotic notion that human beings are having an affect on the climate.

Behold as my fact hammer smashes the egg of stupidity…

How many times over the past few years have you heard the phrase “Hottest temperatures since records began”. I think it is probably said at least twice a week. So, the earth is estimated to be around 4.5 billion years old, and credible temperate records began being kept, at the earliest, at around about the year 1800. We have 200 years of records out of 4.5 billion. Our records are meaningless. In the terms of the planet, using 200 years of records to establish a pattern is like measuring a cars speed for 1 millimetre out of a 1000 mile journey to work out it’s average speed the entire way.

Undeniably correct. Next stupid hippy point…

Most people seem to now accept that CO2 levels cause global warming. It is treated like the only possible truth, despite the glaringly obvious fact that there is no proof of this being the case.

I never really did much science as a kid, so the fact I know this means that it’s completely basic. If something genuinely causes something else, it will always cause it. If it just looks like it’s causing it sometimes, it’s not causing it, it’s co-incidence.

Say you fill up your ice cube tray and put it in the freezer, then come back to it and find the water has turned to ice. If you didn’t know about freezing, you could say that putting water in trays causes it to turn to ice. But then you’d put more water in the tray, and not put it in the freezer, and it wouldn’t turn to ice. Would you still say that the tray made it turn to ice, or would you consider that maybe the fact the water was in the tray was just co-incidence, and that in fact maybe the water turned to ice for a different reason. I think we know the answer. Just because the tray is always there, doesn’t mean it’s the tray causing it, the only thing that’s always there when ice happens is freezing temperatures, and that’s how we know it’s the freezing temperatures that’s causing it.

With that in mind. Think about this…

In New York, between 1822-2000 the temperature rose about 5 degrees. In Albany, it dropped half a degree. The CO2 levels raised exactly the same amount in both places, in fact they’ve raised the same amount all over the world, so if CO2 makes everything hotter, how come two places separated by about 150 miles are experiencing completely different temperature changes? Maybe it’s because there’s a fuck load of big arse buildings in New York, a fuck load of people, people who have warm homes and warm bodies and warm offices. New York is just a big radiator, so of course it’s hotter there. It has nothing to do with CO2. If you check the temperature records of every single city that has experienced massive population growth, you will see the CO2 levels rise, and the temperature rise along with it.

So yes, every single time the CO2 level has risen, so has the temperature, Just like every time you make ice cubes, the water is put in a tray. But there are hundreds of other places with higher CO2 as well, and they aren’t getting any warmer at all. It can’t be the CO2, if it was the CO2, it wouldn’t just be forgetting to heat up certain areas. The areas which are heating up are areas that have more people in, which means they are like giant localised radiators. That doesn’t indicate climate change, it indicates a heat source, that’s all. If the climate was changing, it would be changing for everyone.

I was about to start loads more boring detailed explanation of why I’m so right, but I’m bored, and the fact is the people that want to believe this myth hate scientific fact, because it’s nowhere near as much fun as doomsday theories and horror stories. But just consider these facts, these aren’t my opinions, there are irrefutable facts, and you’re welcome to check them out…

Hurricane and other extreme weather activity has not increased at all over the past 100 years. The Ice Caps are NOT all melting, in fact there is a general downward trend in temperature and the amount of total ice is actually increasing. Yes, there are certain glaciers that are melting, but these have been melting for around 8000 years, long before we invented the car I believe, and the rate they are melting has not increased abnormally during the time man has been burning fossil fuels.

And then I get on to Kyoto, the fucking poster boy for baseless complaining. It’s dangerous me getting started on Kyoto, but I’m going to take the chance. Even assuming the USA had signed the Kyoto Agreement, it would still have been completely ineffective in the battle against what is perceived to be global warming. Most prominent environmental groups have admitted this, and the most optimistic forecasts predicted a slowing of global temperature increase by something like 0.04 of 1%. It would have cost billions and billions of dollars and achieved nothing. The same groups that admitted this, then went on to accuse America of being “Grossly immoral” for not signing it anyway. For the life of me I’m struggling to understand how anyone could make that statement with a straight face.

And then there’s this, which is probably the most important thing to consider in this issue. None of us, not even the people who claim to be experts, know anything about what is happening to this planet. All we have is theories. We look to our experts and assume they can’t be wrong, but the fact is they don’t know. We don’t even have a reliable way to measure sea levels. You ask 20 groups of experts to measure the same sea levels over a year long period, and they’ll all give you different results, but we still aren’t sure of the best way to do it. Our models for climate change are computer simulations based on predictions made by scientists. These predictions are so wild that they can’t realistically be called anything other than guesses. Predictions made ten years ago by the same climate experts have been around 400% off the mark, and in no other field would this be acceptable. We have been studying the weather for god knows how long and are still incapable of predicting it accurately. Weather forecasts are wrong all the time, and they don’t even attempt to work it out more than a week in advance. We all know that, yet we seem happy to accept it when someone tells us they can predict the climate change over the next 30 years. That doesn’t make sense. We simply don’t know.

One thing we do know though, is that there have been ice ages before we were here, and that leads me to believe it’s not us that cause them. The belief that humans are powerful enough to affect this planet to such a huge degree is a gross display of arrogance, ignorance, and stupidity. If you want to blame any creature for climate change, blame insects, there’s a fuck loads more of them than there are us, in fact for every pound of human there is on earth, there are 300 pounds of insects*. They have a far greater impact on our eco system than us burning a few gallons of what is essentially impacted leaves…and probably insects, come to think of it.

* We don’t know that either…seriously how could we know that. Stupid.