My New Geography

I have long based most of my stereotypical hatred on hearsay and a general sense of being better than most people. There was no set structure of hatred per se, but a general gist would be that I hated the Welsh, and the majority of the north. Geordies were all friendly but stupid, the Scottish were all alcoholics and wife beaters, whereas southerners were generally cleverer but unfriendly, and everybody was worse than me.

That was the landscape of my superiority, but due to climate change and natural erosion, this hate map has been altered considerably. During my recent travels I have discovered the following….

All people from the North are stupid AND rude, not just stupid as I previously thought. They could barely muster a polite word despite the fact I’d just driven hundreds of miles into their shitty region at their request to help them.

Hatred temperature for this region raises 14 Degrees F to 90 Degrees F

The Welsh are actually brilliant, and Wales looks great. Wales is my new favourite place, everybody I met in Wales was friendly, I didn’t hate a single one of them, despite arriving there under the impression that they were all a bunch of inbred simpletons with stupid voices. One of the places I went had one hundred and forty five thousand letters in it’s name, it was called something like abbbbgggvverggeaauiue4*ggghhjjkddsbrggghuiiii9, and despite the complete stupidity of the language, a large number of Welsh people can actually speak it. Go them. I like Wales. Plus I saw a sign when driving through it that said simply “NO to sexually aggressive behaviour”. Good point.

Hatred temperature for this region drops 60 Degrees F to 32 Degrees F

Geordies are not only stupid, but they are also rude, ugly, overweight and none of them can speak. They are also wife beaters and the only thing they like is football, despite their football team being woefully shit. Hopefully Newcastle will burn down. Newcastle is the worst place in the world, people from Newcastle should be minced and fed to homeless people in the south.

Hatred temperature for this region raises 45 Degrees F to 120 Degrees F

Scottish people are dull, and probably don’t beat their wives as much as Geordies, but still quite a lot. They are definitely all alcoholics, but I don’t hate them as much as I did before.

Slight drop in Hatred temperature for this region.

Southerners are all stupid, they are less stupid than northerners, but they are all stupid. The women are better looking, the men all look like they’ve been dropped on their heads. England is an ugly country generally, Wales and Scotland look a million times better. England is the worst part of Britain, except for Ireland, which is still ours, even though it’s shit, but it is funny. I think we should sink it.

Overall Global Hatred Climate change + 13 Degrees F