Oh No, We’re Running out of Oil

The worst thing about just about everybody is that they all seem happy to accept what they’re told without questioning whether or not it might be complete shit.

My eyes had the misfortune of being aimed at The Independent a few days ago. I was bored waiting for my girlfriend to get out of the shower, and it was in my house through no fault of my own. Don’t judge me. The first problem with this newspaper is that it is in no way independent, and any publication that manages to lie in it’s title should never be trusted. The second problem is that it is alarmist and inaccurate and made me want to punch myself in the face for reading it.

They had dedicated an entire section to how the world was going to end soon and it was all America’s fault. Well it’s an interesting argument, but they’ve basically come to this conclusion by taking the facts that confirm their stance and using them with little or no thought, whilst completely ignoring anything that may contradict their claim.

The first article in this section was an idiotic look at how the world will be in 40 years time when the worlds oil supplies have been completely exhausted. Apparently the author of this article needs a maths lesson, allow me….

At the end of 2004 the worlds proven oil reserves stood at 161.9 thousand million tonnes. The consumption rate was 3767.1 million tonnes a year. If you base the calculation on simply that, it means the supplies will run out in about 43 years. However, the consumption rate fluctuates, and the rate is on a general upward trend. Over the past 10 years our oil consumption has increased an average of 56.9 million tonnes each year. If you factor in that average rise, then in about 35 years, we’ll run out of oil completely.

So The Independent must be right yeah?

Yes they are, unless you bother, you know, looking at all the facts. For example these numbers right here…..

1115.8
1139.7
1176.9
1188.3
1188.6

Those are the figures for the worlds proven oil reserves at the end of each of the last 5 years. The most interesting thing I find about these numbers is that they KEEP GETTING HIGHER!

Question

If a number is getting higher each year, when will it hit zero?

a) 40 Years
b) 30 Years
c) 20 years
d) Never

Now I reckon if I showed that question to any one of the many 4 year olds I have locked in my basement, they’d be able to give me the right answer, but apparently the fine people who work for The Independent would not.

Because of this article I’ve come to the conclusion that all newspapers are written by placing a keyboard in the firing line of one of those tennis ball serving machines. Surely it can’t be a sentient being responsible for this mindless shit.

The single most important statistic when trying to determine when the world will exhaust it’s oil supply is how much our reserves are being depleted each year. This is the one statistic that gives you a genuine indication, and it’s the one statistic scaremongering hippies always ignore because it exposes their stupid apocalypse theories as factually laughable.

At the end of 1980 the worlds oil reserves stood at 667.1 thousand million barrels. At the end of 2004, it stood at 1188.6 thousand million barrels. That means our reserves have nearly doubled, and until we stop finding oil, it’s impossible to say when the reserves will run out.

Socrates once said “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing”. He was one of the greatest minds in human history, and if he’d been alive today he’d have probably said “What a bunch of cunts you all are, somebody give me some hemlock”. If anybody wants to know when the world is going to run out of oil, let me tell you…..

Later on I’m going to tell you why not to care about deforestation and global warming as well. But for now rest assured in 40 years time you’ll still be driving your car. Unless you’re over 60 now of course, in which case you’ll be dead. Gutted.